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you need to listen to what she's saying by webwench (4.00 / 2) #4 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 10:15:45 AM EST

she doesn't want to date you :(

So, on to the next one. Seriously.

^{Getting more attention than you since 1998. Ya ya!}

Women. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 10:20:18 AM EST

That's not at all what she said. Why is it so difficult to just come out and say, "I don't like you." Believe it or not, we're big boys, and we can handle that a lot better than the stupid, "I don't want to hurt his feelings" bullshit answers that make us go insane trying to sort them out.

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"I don't like you" by webwench (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 11:04:44 AM EST

is a rude and confrontational thing to say, and most women will not say it.

If they're expressing reluctance to calling something a 'date', or doing something that could be considered 'a date', this is because they don't want to date. No amount of refusal to hear what's being said will change that. I'm sorry... we've all been there, it happens, and when it does, it's best to shrug and move on.

^{Getting more attention than you since 1998. Ya ya!}
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: Confrontational is not always rude. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 11:23:12 AM EST

Sometimes it's far more polite than stringing someone along for months because you're worried they'll take it badly.

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: Let's cut to the heart of it. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 11:30:46 AM EST

Not saying she doesn't want to meet up with him again, flat out, yet saying she doesn't want to call it a date says one thing pretty clearly that's really difficult to see when you're a single guy. As a married guy, I can see it clearly even though he can't. What it says is, "you're not bad, so I want to keep you on the bench just in case. But I'm gonna go do some shopping around to see if I can't do better before I tell you I'm willing to date you."
Now, if she just flat out refused to meet up with him again? That's clear. If she said she'd like a date? That's clear. Continuing to talk and meet up with him while telling him she doesn't want to call it a date? As a single guy, that's clear as a glass of mud. Analyzing it from afar makes it clear, but being there in the moment makes it a confusing mess.
I'd tell him to get out now and run like the wind, but it's not always that easy when you're the one being strung along.

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: rude is by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #13 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 09:55:17 PM EST

wasting 2 hours of my time, and 3 gallons of my precious gasoline to drive up the mountain, drink and buy wine, and get my hopes up.
I've been told plenty of times that I was not liked. Sure it made me mad sometimes, but I knew what the deal was.
Who knows, maybe she has no clue what she's doing. At least she can provide me with names and number of her single friends she thinks I'd be great with. At least that's being somewhat of a friend. What I have now is, I have no clue.
But you're correct. A shrug, and a move on is what I need.
That and some rum.

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I keep saying I knwo as much. by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #11 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 09:48:35 PM EST

The problem is, the next one is well undefined right now, and it could be years, knowing the rate at which I meet people, until I can move on to the next one. Sure I 98% of the time I don't focus on that, and tell myself that things are okay. Then last night I let the negative seep in.

I do have to see her at least once more. I have all these damn Job Search Career Search books she lent me. But oh well.

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