Hulver's site || Does your vehicle enhance your self-image?

Does your vehicle enhance your self-image?

No, it's a piece of shit. But I'm not.	7 votes - 19 %
Yes, it's a piece of shit. Just like me. Oh God, I'm so depressed.	4 votes - 11 %
No, I have no car because I'm better than you.	6 votes - 16 %
No, I have no car but I carry keys around so people think I do.	0 votes - 0 %
Yes, but I drive a motorcycle so it's truly reflective of my rebel spirit.	2 votes - 5 %
Yes, and I drive a Lexus/Infiniti/BMW/Benz to remind you I AM YOUR GOD.	2 votes - 5 %
Yes, I drive a hybrid and export my excess smugness to needy nations.	3 votes - 8 %
No, because I refuse to give in to materialism and besides women are always trying to judge you on what kind of car you drive which is totally lame and ignores the nobility at the heart of my secret awesomeness.	6 votes - 16 %
Yes, because my car can talk and it chose me to reveal itself to.	0 votes - 0 %
Yes, I am idiot and I drive a Mini Cooper with a Union Jack on the roof even though I'm not British.	0 votes - 0 %
Maybe, but only when it's clean.	1 vote - 2 %
Maybe, but only in the dark.	1 vote - 2 %
Maybe, but only if I can afford racing stripes and halogen sport lights.	1 vote - 2 %
Yes, and the world worships my bass-throbbing, peace-disturbing, sub-woofing fuck-it-all attitude of road ownership.	1 vote - 2 %
Yes, I drive a monster truck that does no work.	0 votes - 0 %
Yes, I drive a monster truck that does do real work.	0 votes - 0 %
No, my powerful truck is merely a tool for making a living.	1 vote - 2 %
Yes, I am a tool.	1 vote - 2 %

36 Total Votes

My Truck is Bigger Than Your Cock | 46 comments (46 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

Toronto? by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #1 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:42:12 AM EST

Did you rent a car to impress people, even though you live a hop, skip and a jump away?

I have rented a car to drive to Philadelphia, since my boss and I weren't optimistic that Natty would make it.

My Car is in the Shop. by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:46:36 AM EST

It suffered a critical gayness failure during highway driving the other week, so I had it dragged downtown so the engine can be serviced and my wallet can be man-raped.

The technician in charge called yesterday to tell me they were test driving it today. If all goes well I can be safely back in my pussymobile sometime on Saturday.

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

I had trouble with your poll by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #4 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:49:15 AM EST

my preferred vehicle is my motorcycle, which reinforces my manliness because it's unforgiving, and I rebuilt the carburetors.

My most common vehicle is my little battered green Tercel.

[ Parent ]

I Admit It! by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:50:38 AM EST

The poll is somewhat unscientific.

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

: quant insuff! by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #8 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:53:42 AM EST

[ Parent ]

Service sector employees by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #3 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:48:36 AM EST

It never fails to amuse me how the gold-plated help-bullying type-A pricks can't understand that you get much better assistance simply by being nice to people.
----
_{ウセーバラケダ}

Yes, But Thank Goodness! by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 2) #5 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:49:54 AM EST

Their attitudes made it very easy for somebody like me to make a good impression. Around those types you don't have to try -- you just have to avoid being abusive.

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

: At Chicago Airport by johnny (4.00 / 2) #22 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 02:46:01 PM EST

Two type-A businessman assholes were giving a really hard time to a poor woman behind the counter who had informed them that flights had been canceled because there was a fucking fuckstorm going on and it wasn't safe to fly. This answer did not satisfy the asshole businessmen.
When I could take no more of it I went up to one of the guys, real close, looked him in they eye and said, "YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS, BUDDY? I'VE GOT 'MONKEY GONE TO HEAVEN' BY THE PIXIES STUCK IN MY HEAD AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT!!!"
Both of the guys then left.
I feel quite certain that I have told this story here on HuSi several times before, but I forgive myself, for this story puts me in the absolute best light. That was probably the best thing I've ever done.
WIPO: I don't know. I just hope they don't reposesses it. I only owe a few hundred bucks on the thing -- 1999 Ford minivan-- but I've been paying real slow. Times are tough, what what.
Buy my books, dammit!
[ Parent ]

the funny thing is by aphrael (4.00 / 2) #26 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 02:50:43 PM EST

in my mind the fact that i get better assistance by being nice is a pleasant side-effect.

i'm nice to people because i want to be nice to people. i want people to be nice to me, so of course i should be nice.

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
[ Parent ]

: And of course, after a while, by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #30 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 05:34:17 PM EST

You just do it because it's more fun being nice to people.

[ Parent ]

I own tow of the most moral rice rockets by Clipper Ship (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:50:49 AM EST

on the planet, but the denizens of Mt. Albert, Ontario only understand one word: Hemi. Or, Range Rover. Or, Land Rover. Or, 6 Pick-ups, needed to get me to my job working behind the counter at the local car parts concern.

That prejudice against country people that city people is a well-founded morality I am increasingly trying to spread.

---------------

Destroy All Planets

the rich are different than us -- they're assholes by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #9 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 11:02:36 AM EST

No. We're assholes too. Maybe not as blatantly, perhaps.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

Hush, Now! by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #11 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 11:08:15 AM EST

If poor people can't feel that they are inherently more noble by simple virtue of their poverty, what have they got?

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

Rich people act like arseholes by Herring (2.00 / 0) #15 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 12:11:06 PM EST

for that reason. Because it costs them nothing to give us a feeling of moral superiority.

Either that or, as my mum says, you can tell what God thinks of money when you look at the people he's given it to.

You can't outlaw rabbits! They'll just go underground - Milton Jones
[ Parent ]

So THAT'S why douchebags love Macs so much... by dark nowhere (4.00 / 4) #17 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 12:54:59 PM EST

The poor can get their smugness for free, and the rich want that too.

I am not your dupe account.
[ Parent ]

As a Mac user by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #18 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 01:15:11 PM EST

I had to rate that a 4.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}
[ Parent ]

Mind, by dark nowhere (2.00 / 0) #27 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 03:09:16 PM EST

I don't mean that all Mac users are in it for the smugness, but it's fun to be smug about smug smugs smugness.

I am not your dupe account.
[ Parent ]

It's okay. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #31 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 06:21:08 PM EST

They are.

This coomenat has be n soidnsord by hurricanbe ice malt liqur
[ Parent ]

: Not all by dark nowhere (2.00 / 0) #34 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 07:07:57 PM EST

I nearly bought a MacBook before I started seeing so much product placement (er, and before the EeePC happened.) Ick. I'm really dying to see a scene with a non-apple lappy in it now.

I am not your dupe account.
[ Parent ]

That thing got a hemi ? by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 11:06:21 AM EST

like your intro ?

And were the birds pigeons, or real birds ?

On the one hand, by blixco (2.00 / 0) #12 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 11:25:40 AM EST

I drive an Acura, which carries with it a certain upmarket marketing scheme. On the other hand, being an RSX it is entirely based on a Honda Civic, which is the phillips screwdriver of automobiles.

I own my car not for the utility or the economy, but for the fun. It's not a true hot rod, but it is quick, and the handling speaks directly to my spine. I couuld own a Kia and be better off, fuel-wise. Thus far the fun is worth the 8 to 10 mpg penalty.

Here in The Republic of Texas, we have Trucks, and we have Cowboy Cadillacs. The former are driven by folks who work for a living, and use their trucks for work. If it's a Ranch Edition Super Duty but has scratches, mud, and a well worn trailer hitch, it's a work truck. Likewise the standard bare-bones F-150 with enough damage to destroy a small sedan.

But then there's the All Hat, No Cattle crowd, the ones who, like your neighbors, drive a truck because it is big.

My next door neighbor has a diesel superduty F-350 with a crew cab. He uses it for work, hauling motors from one Peterbuilt garage to the next, normally with a team of mechanics. The guy next to him has the exact same truck, but polished and clean, with leather surfaces (instead of a hose-out vinyl interior), satellite radio, DVD players, and etc. They both spend $4.50 a gallon every 18 to 20 miles. One manages to get paid per mile of use, as well as per hour of his time.

Me, my car could fit into the beds of their vehicles, sort of an F-18 to their Enterprise. I suppose the analogy fits in a few more ways than one.
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin

Speaking of Texas, and energy by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #14 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 11:38:55 AM EST

Do you follow How The World Works at Salon?

Republicans own the state, lock, stock and barrel, and Republicans have delivered to their constituents some of the highest electricity prices in the country. Well done!

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}
[ Parent ]

: Yep. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #28 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 03:56:18 PM EST

Deeeeee-reg-alate ever-got-darn thang, yo.
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]

I've Been Looking at the Civic Hybrid by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #39 Sat Jul 19, 2008 at 02:06:45 PM EST

It's definitely more attractive than the Prius, but still too pricey for me. I wish they made a two-seater option.

Somebody needs to invent a commuting-oriented vehicle that, unlike the godforsaken Smart, is somewhat user-serviceable.

Either that, or someone needs to invent a new thing for pseudo-cowboys to hang their hats on, so all the pressure isn't on the vehicle to deliver the requisite amount of lacking self-esteem. Maybe some kind of over-sized, electrically-powered cutlery?

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

If you can find a used Insight, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #41 Sat Jul 19, 2008 at 05:15:24 PM EST

they were two seat hybrids that did well.

That being said, a used Honda CRX HF will get you between 41 and 50 mpg.

And it uses gasoline, like God intended (that's why He made dinosaurs and Texas).
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]

: Oh, my god, I loved my CRX. by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #45 Sun Jul 20, 2008 at 09:51:23 PM EST

Best car I ever had, and with close to 200K miles, several fender-benders, and a fucked up coolant system, it still got 45 miles to the gallon highway, and almost 40 around town. It also went fast and handled like it read my mind. I miss that car.
--
To Rollins lesbians are like cuddly pandas: cute, exotic, forest-dwelling, dangerous when riled and unable to produce offspring without assistance.-CRwM
[ Parent ]

isn't that what these are for? by aphrael (4.00 / 2) #44 Sun Jul 20, 2008 at 01:50:19 PM EST

Truck Nuts!

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
[ Parent ]

You're a good man, Mr. Brown... by atreides (2.00 / 0) #13 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 11:28:57 AM EST

...but you'd have a little trouble making it down here is Tejas. :)

_{He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.}

Two or three ton mobile dildo, actually by marvin (2.00 / 0) #16 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 12:13:12 PM EST

Basically, it's a giant, glossy, motorized penis substitute. It's a one-ton mobile dildo.

Minor correction. Well over two tons. Three tons for the most common models.

The base model (1500, two door, 2WD) weighs in at 4,453 pounds. The long box crew cab model in a 4WD 3/4 ton has a curb weight (empty) of 6,169 pounds. Remember, only pussies drive a half-ton truck, real men need a 3/4 ton or 1 ton penis enhancer. There is not much difference between a half ton pickup and a girlie-man light truck like a Ford Ranger.

Three tons of steel. In 1970, before the oil crisis, the base model chevy pickup only weighed 3737 pounds. Another reason that GMC is doomed.

he was using by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #20 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 02:11:46 PM EST

Canadian tonnes. Common mistake.

[ Parent ]

: Hardly by marvin (4.00 / 1) #23 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 02:47:01 PM EST

There is only about a 10% difference between a US short ton (2,000 lbs) and a metric ton (or tonne, which is 1,000 kg). 4,453 pounds = 2.01 tonnes.
Plus, there is a major incentive for the typical inadequate truck driver to use the smallest measurement unit available, as it makes the mobile dildo appear larger. Which would you rather have - a 2.2 ton motorized penis enhancer, or a mere 2 tonnes? Size matters.

[ Parent ]

i was going to say the same thing by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #32 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 06:46:04 PM EST

my first car was over two tons.
---------
if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]

CANYONERO! by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #19 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 01:29:00 PM EST

I know the feeling. A couple of times I've rented Jeep Grand Cherokee's for trips with the wife somewhere. Pales in comparison to something like a Sierra or Expedition but damn is it fun to drive something bigger than what you normally have.

GM by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #21 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 02:24:14 PM EST

Non-North America is doing great but then they seem to build normal cars in the rest of the world not these vast chariots of cheese.

apparently by garlic (2.00 / 0) #24 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 02:49:16 PM EST

GM buick's built in china are the luxury car of choise there.

[ Parent ]

: In Chongqing maybe... by HappyDude (4.00 / 1) #40 Sat Jul 19, 2008 at 03:31:02 PM EST

If you're referring to what Ted Koppel said in his excellent four part series.
I don't remember seeing very many American cars in Beijing when I lived there in 2006. It seemed like the most popular car for showing off how rich you were was the Audi A6 (A4 if you were just kinda rich, A8 if you were disgustingly rich).

[ Parent ]

Hey there! by marvin (2.00 / 0) #25 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 02:49:20 PM EST

Don't be comparing a diverse and beloved food product like cheese to the shitbuckets produced by GM in North America.

Although many GM products are somewhat reminiscent of Cheez Whiz, but that's not cheese anyways.

[ Parent ]

GodDAMN I've missed your writing, CB by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 2) #29 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 04:49:47 PM EST

But I don't really miss driving, nosirree.

: me 2 by duxup (2.00 / 0) #35 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 09:59:30 PM EST

n/t
____
[ Parent ]

i'm having trouble with your poll by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #33 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 06:48:32 PM EST

i like my car a lot, and most times i don't even think about what i look like driving it. on those rare times that i do think about it, i swing back and forth between wondering if it makes me look cute, or if other people hate me because they think i'm trying to look cute. in reality i'm not trying to do anything but enjoy the fact that my car's top comes off.
---------
if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake

It must be the size by duxup (2.00 / 0) #36 Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 10:03:47 PM EST

There's no explanation for those things otherwise. My new neighborhood is FULL of those monsters. Aside from the once a year i wish I had more cargo space, the appeal is beyond me.

Then again my car is to me just a conveyance, and one I'm willing to cheap out on. My 13 year old honda stops and goes when I press the right pedal and doesn't cost me much. That's good enough for me.
____

Cargo Space & Insecurity by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #37 Sat Jul 19, 2008 at 11:55:39 AM EST

It seems to me that the lion's share of people who desire maximum cargo space are incorrectly assessing their own needs.

Unless one is using their vehicle for professional tasks, just about nobody needs to be hauling massive quantities of stuff from point to point on a frequent and regular basis.

(Even hockey equipment for two kids could be done with the cargo capacity of a sedan; I could probably do it in my sub-compact if it wasn't cheating for the kids to have a duffel bag across their laps to extend the "cargo" zone.)

I think most people feel the need for cargo space because it feels flexible and prepared to them. It makes them feel comfy and in charge.

These people go to lengths to point out that they're just thinking practically, but the argument doesn't pan out. If the frequency of massive cargo is relatively low, the correct behaviour would be to drive an efficient vehicle and supplement it by renting cargo space on a per case basis (i.e., spending $250 across a season to rent a pickup when needed, rather than spending extra money at the pump every day of the year).

The desire to ultimate cargo space in the light to moderate cargo life indicates chronic anxiety, in my opinion, and I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts it's a demographic feature the advertisers consider pivotal in their marketing meetings. Fear sells, even subconscious fear.

I ramble. I need a coffee. (Blink, blink.)

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

Anybody who really cares about by wumpus (2.00 / 0) #38 Sat Jul 19, 2008 at 02:05:56 PM EST

cargo space will own a "u-haul"* equivalent, provided they have some place to keep it when not in use.

There is a small amount of utility in being able to buy a sofa at any time, without worrying when the sellers will leave said sofa in the rain while you dash to your u-haul, but these are mostly fantasies. If cargo space was really that much of an issue, Dodge could bring back to neon (which could tow 1000lbs), and include the u-haul.

Wumpus (who is annoyed that he can't swing something like this with apartment and present car)

* u-haul is a moving rental equipment company in the US famous for renting towable storage containers. You rent the things one-way, then find a u-haul store to return them to.

[ Parent ]

: well by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #42 Sat Jul 19, 2008 at 09:39:25 PM EST

Making up any reason to own an SUV is easy unless you have environmental concerns. They don't cost much more than sedans, and the mileage difference isn't large enough to make a big difference in the average American's budget even now. The only people who can no longer afford the gas on an SUV are the people driving 40 miles each way to $12 an hour service jobs.
When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?
[ Parent ]

Size by duxup (2.00 / 0) #46 Tue Jul 22, 2008 at 12:36:54 PM EST

Indeed the space gained from such vehicles would seem to be rarely used. Heck even when I go to work in my little old Honda I don't even need THAT much car. It's me, and a laptop bag. I'd say 95% of the time I'm driving my little car I don't even need that much vehicle.

If I lived in a more fair weather climate I'd think of getting one of those little motor scooters out there as I can take just the slow roads to work and around to the local places when needed....

As for renting yeah that is the way to go. Heck even if I owned an SUV renting a larger truck is likely the way I'd go rather than cramming stuff into those things and making several trips. I've moved dudes with SUVs... we really did spend more time with several SUVs than we would have with a big rented truck. They might be large but there isn't nearly as much space in those things as say a uhaul truck and they're pretty much on par with a van and I find vans far easier to move things in and out of.
____
[ Parent ]

Obligatory comment by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #43 Sun Jul 20, 2008 at 10:07:07 AM EST

Either I have good self esteem or I'm just too poor to purchase macho-mobiles. I always go with inexpensive sedans that have good fuel economy. Right now I drive the Kia Rio, which is Kia's attempt to get into the lucrative Honda market.

My Truck is Bigger Than Your Cock | 46 comments (46 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback


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